Laughter is the best medicine. It’s also a great way to connect with others, whether it be at work or one of life’s social events. Whether you’re looking for a quick joke or something more full-length and hilarious, here are 50 of the funniest jokes for adults that will have you and your friends laughing until it hurts.
Top 50 Funny Jokes For Adults
There are few things in life that can really make us laugh out loud. The fact that there are so many jokes and it is hard to pick the best one means you will always have a joke for every situation. So if you want to know some funny jokes, then read below the top 50 funny jokes for adults.
- What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? “I want you inside me.”
- “Give it to me! Give it to me!” she yelled. “I’m so wet, give it to me now!” She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
- Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.
- They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?
- I’ll admit it, I have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lives forty miles away.
- Who’s the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.
- What’s the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.
- “I bet you can’t tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time,” a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, “Your penis is bigger than your brother’s.”
- A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, “Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?” The boyfriend says, “Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again.”
- How do you make a pool table laugh? Tickle its balls.
- If you were born in September, it’s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
- A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.
- Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn’t budget, so he had to work it out with a paper and pencil.
- Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.
- An old woman walked into a dentist’s office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, “I think you have the wrong room.” “You put in my husband’s teeth last week,” she replied. “Now you have to remove them.”
- Why does a mermaid wear seashells? Because she outgrew her B-shells!
- What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off!
- What do you do when your cat’s dead? Play with the neighbor’s pussy instead.
- How is life like toilet paper? You’re either on a roll or taking s*** from someone.
- What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.
- What is Moby Dick’s dad’s name? Papa Boner.
- What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public? A private tutor!
- What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Beef strokin’ off!
- What did the leper say to the sex worker? Keep the tip.
- What do you call the lesbian version of a cock block? A beaver dam!
- What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cube have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
- What’s long, green, and smells like bacon? Kermit The Frog’s fingers!
- What do you get when you jingle Santa’s balls? A white Christmas!
- Why is diarrhea hereditary? It runs in your genes!
- A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it’ll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn’t the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, “Looks like you blew a seal.” “No,” the penguin insists, “it’s just ice cream.”